It’s me, Luigi
Hi, my name is Louis (Luigi) Torretta. But Ashleigh refers to me as Hubs in most of her posts and now most of you do too! Boy, do I have the luxury of being married to Ashleigh Rose!
Before that, we go back a whole 11 years. Way back to 16 years old. We were young and in love, but that did not come without its own set of trials and tribulations. We grew together, thorns and all, and learned how to weather the storm together. Our foundation got stronger and we found a deeper, truer feeling of love. As time continued to pass, it became more and more evident to me (to be honest I pretty much knew from the get-go, ew…sappy I know) that we were meant for each other. Now that the sappy introduction is out of the way let me talk to you about some real shit.
Ashleigh was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis at the tail end of 2018. It came as a shock to us because we were so very young. We did not want to believe the news and we began our search for multiple second, third, and fourth opinions. At long last, we finally swallowed that pill and began looking at this diagnosis right in its eyes. As a spouse to this, I stood by Ashleigh’s side and saw the toll this took. For a time, I felt helpless. I felt helpless because I could not do anything to make her feel better, to help her through this. A year prior to her diagnosis, she became severely injured due to matters outside of her control, she injured her whole body practically. I watched my fiancée slip into depression, spiral with weight gain, and most of all become unconfident and incredibly hard on herself. Now add Multiple Sclerosis to the mix, I was afraid of what may happen. I wanted to reach out and shake her and show her that she is and will always be the same amazing, superwoman, light filled being. I began researching more on multiple sclerosis and how spouses of those who had it coped and helped daily. I found tips and tricks that worked and that I still implement here and there (when I remember). What became more and more evident to me was that Ashleigh didn’t need me to have the answers, didn’t need me to understand everything she was going through – what she needed was someone to go through it with, to be by her side and I made that my mission that no matter what I will always try to be there for her…whenever, wherever.
The first year was an absolute doozy of a diagnosis rollercoaster for Ashleigh and me. After a long search and many doctor’s offices later, we found a specialist that Ashleigh and I were extremely confident with and have stuck with since. I had the pleasure to see my wife, who was beaten down emotionally and mentally, come back from this diagnosis and kick it right in its ass. Ashleigh, to me, continues to defy all odds and continues to shatter through ceilings. Ashleigh fixed her diet, and mine (hella reluctant at first but now I am SUPER UBER thankful) and began to let her inner light shine. As Ashleigh got a grip on things, our life decided to take another detour.
In October 2019, I was diagnosed with stage-four papillary carcinoma. This came out of nowhere. I was in work and talking to Ashleigh during my lunch break and reached up to rub my neck and I felt a baseball protruding out. Unnerved, I got off the phone and immediately went to check it out and was greeted by a tumor smiling back at me in the mirror. I left work immediately and went back home to Ashleigh where we talked about our options. Outpatient or go to the emergency room. You see, right before Ashleigh was diagnosed, we went to the hospital and then opted to leave and continue perusing answers via outpatient. Which we learned was not the ideal way to go about it. We joke about it now, but hindsight is 20/20. So we left to the hospital where they eventually said those dreadful words… “we would like to admit you into the hospital…” (or, you know, something along those lines with very dramatic and tense music – maybe even an eerie violin?). I remember looking at Ashleigh like I was a five-year-old, where we both telepathically relayed to each other that this had to be done. During my visit I was not only diagnosed with cancer, but I also had my surgery to remove the 5cm mass.
Through that tribulation, and I often reflect on this, Ashleigh was my beacon. As it was described in The Great Gatsby, she was my green light beckoning me across the lake. The Virgil to my Dante as I crossed a plain that was absolute hell to me. At this point I saw the same face, the same fleeting thoughts, the same movements that I had during Ashleigh’s beginning stages of diagnosis. She was scared, but brave and the courage she had bolstered my spirits because we knew that as long as we were there for each other, that’s all we needed. I saw the great care she took of me when I was out and recovering. I witnessed an angel. I really cannot make this up.
Oh, two weeks later after my surgery Ashleigh and I got married! No way, Jose, was I going to let that surgery, or the diagnosis stop us (thankfully too because little did the world know that-which-shall-not-be-named-19 was looming right around the corner). Our wedding is something that we take great pride in because we built that from scratch. From vendors, to venue, from floral, to you name it. We sourced, created, and implemented our wedding all ourselves. It’s one of our greatest, happiest, proudest achievements!
Ashleigh + I at our wedding 11.11.19 just two week post Thyroidectomy- removal of the total thyroid.
What I am really trying to say here is this. In this blog, this collection of beautiful stories rich of life and experience you will find one thing in common. The tenacious, light-filled, loving, sometimes REALLY grouchy but super cute, kind, and all of the above nature that is Ashleigh Rose. You will walk in our shoes through these stories and have a glimpse into what we went through and how love truly propelled us forward and how faith, with a little elbow grease, continues to pave the way. I count my blessings to have such a strong, courageous woman as my partner in crime. I am happy that you folks have the chance to share in her light and understand the feeling of love that I have for her.
Till next time,
Louis Torretta. Signing off.